I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
