i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
