My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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