two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
