He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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