I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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