did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
