oh god the rape fog is back!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
