some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
