Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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