drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
