hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
