I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
