Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
