i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
