I am spending my child support on dildos
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
