Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
