I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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