I cockslap morals
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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