Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
