his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
