i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
