So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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