I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
