This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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