We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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