Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
