You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
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the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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