i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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