I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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