She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
