what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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