Already got asked if we're dating
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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