I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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