i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
