No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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