Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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