Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
