Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You have to summon your inner elephant
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
