is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
