he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
