woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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