I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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