totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
