I got chris browned last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
