Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
