According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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