How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
