I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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