When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
