Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
