life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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