that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
