i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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