I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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