Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
