it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
