after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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