just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
