Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Screwed.edu
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
