What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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