2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize