Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
did i just pee glitter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
