The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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