Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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