I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
