in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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