dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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