I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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